You’ve
been poorly catechized and didn’t really understand the role of a Godparent for
your newborn baby and so you gave this honor to your best-friend-since-3rd-grade.
It made sense at the time and you both giggled and loved the whole idea of it.
Now, years later, you no longer speak to your best-friend-since-3rd-grade.
You’ve come to regret this poor choice—in a very big way—and don’t know what to
do about the lousy Godparent you chose.
You
have been blessed by faith-filled parents and have been living your faith in a
constant manner for as long as you can remember. Bestowing the honor of
Godparent upon your cousin was a good choice. After all, she’s family and your
lives have the blood connection that will stand the test of time. A few years
later you see that she didn’t really get how important this honor was and has
really failed. She apparently didn’t read up on the “job” description and now
your daughter is burdened with a lousy Godparent. And your daughter sees this
at every family Christmas where other Godparents give their Godchildren gifts
and hugs and special attention and your daughter gets nothing. Nada. What do
you do?
The
fact is, most of us are somewhere in the middle when it comes to selecting
Godparents for our children. We get that it is an honor and we know it is
somewhat important. (And the people we ask probably get it to a degree, too.) Since
we can’t predict the future, we do our best and ask the person we feel would be
best suited for the role—and he or she accepts—all without anyone necessarily
understanding the entirety of the Godparent moniker. I inquired of a friend, a
faith-filled practicing Catholic and the mother of a rather large brood, if she
was “happy” with her choices of Godparents. Without skipping a beat she
replied, “Nope.”
So
what is the role of a Godparent in the Catholic faith? To answer this I asked my
own Pastor who is always so generous with his time whenever I am trying to get
to the bottom of this or that question about our faith. Father’s answer easily sums
up the “official” and “unofficial” roles of a Godparent:
“The “official” role of a godparent is to be a religious
or spiritual example for the child. They are also the official witness of what
is taking place. Unofficially a godparent is supposed to be a loving
presence in the life of the child. I often tell folks at baptism that it
is through the love of a godparent and grandparent that a child learns
unconditional love. Mommy and Daddy have to say “no” but a grandparent or
godparent doesn’t have too.”
The
first line really had an impression upon me: …to be a religious or spiritual example for the child. This is so
clear cut. It should become the litmus test for each time we choose a Godparent.
It isn’t meant to be an indictment of the possible Godparent, but forces us to
look at whomever we are considering for this important role through the eyes of
the young person to whom they ought to be a “religious or spiritual” example. I
really, really like the words used here: religious or spiritual example.
It
doesn’t mean we must seek out someone who goes to daily Mass (although there
isn’t anything wrong with that!) but rather we should find someone whose
countenance is loving, selfless, and kind: an embodiment of Christ. If we’ve experienced them in this way, we
can count on them fulfilling their role as Godparent as they should. As Father
then says, they officially witness what takes place at the baptism which is the Sacrament of Initiation.
Father’s
brief explanation continues to impress upon me the role of a Godparent:…be a loving presence. In other words,
be a presence. Again the words are important. What does it mean to be a
“presence” in a child’s life? It means remembering birthdays, graduations, basketball
games, acknowledging successes and offering encouragement in difficult times.
“Be a loving presence” is as clear as “be a religious or spiritual example.” If
we’ve witnessed that this person, this potential Godparent, has been a loving
presence to others, chances are he or she will be that same sort of loving
presence to our child—his or her Godchild.
As
Father continues and mentions the “unconditional” love that a Godparent shows a
Godchild, we again see that for this to occur they have to be a “presence” in
the child’s life. Does this mean they must live around the corner? No.
Especially with all the ways in which people can stay connected nowadays, we
can select a Godparent who lives near or far; in the end what matters is that
the Godparent must choose to be “present” in their Godchild’s life.
So
we missed the boat and are stuck with lousy Godparents. Can we do anything?
No…and
yes.
No
we can’t re-baptize our children and pick new, better, more-improved
Godparents.
No
we can’t change their status or demote them because they were the witness to
this incredible event in our child’s life.
But
we can make sure that our children
have other people in their lives that fill the role of Godparents—just without
the official title. “Foster” Godparents, if you will. We can also make a
concerted effort to be a religious or spiritual example to our children and to
practice more unconditional love towards them. If we feel something is lacking
in our children’s lives because of their lousy Godparents, then chances are we
are up to the task of all this!
And
it makes perfect sense if our children are a bit older to even share the role
of Godparents and let them know that while their own Godparent(s) may have
missed the mark (it is probably best not to use the word “lousy” when talking
with our kids), their baptism was a joyous day in the life of the Kingdom of
God! Help them focus on the day of their baptism. This is particularly
important if, within a family, you have one child whose Godparents are especially
lousy and some of your other children have exceptional Godparents. Kids should
never think they somehow failed to “earn” or “deserve” a Godparent’s love or
interest. (On the other hand, if you’ve been given the honor of being a
Godparent and have not lived up to the responsibility and the privilege, it is never too late to start.)
We
can and should pray for the Godparent(s) we have chosen, especially the lousy
ones. At some point we thought they were the best candidate for the job and
although we now know better, it would be a beneficial experience for us to
offer up our sorrow and sadness for their sanctification. While there may not
be earthly rewards for such an exercise in humility, the eternal rewards might be
significant—for us and for them!
Cheryl Dickow
The illustration used is from the children's book "Where Do Deacons Come From?" written by Elizabeth Ficocelli and illustrated by Shannon Wirrenga
No comments:
Post a Comment