I love Marie Barone in the sitcom
Everybody Loves Raymond.
Sure she’s a bit meddlesome.
Admittedly she’s even a tad
overbearing.
Maybe she’s even off-putting to
some.
But her motivation is pure.
She’s committed to her family.
She really never puts herself first—even if we are led to believe that she
does. If we are really paying
attention, her scheming is done to ensure that her family is safe and sound and
well-fed.
No matter what, it is always important
that they eat. As a mother of three sons, I get how my own feeling of peace is
tied to the care and feeding of my boys—and so I instinctively understand why Marie
is forever handing food to whomever walks through the door. “Are you hungry,
dear?” she asks while handing over a plate—without any regard to the answer.
Now, as my own sons grow older
and the prospects of one day becoming a mother-in-law myself become a real
possibility, I take note of mothers-in-law in a new way. And Marie Barone is at
the top of my list.
I’ve got to admit, I think she’s
great.
But she does give me pause. It is
a daunting thought to recognize that my own quirks and traits and defects will
be borne by future daughters-in-law who enter the family. These young women
won’t be required to love or honor me through sheer genetic material.
And that worries me a bit. After
all, I see how often Marie is misunderstood.
She makes me wonder if my future
daughters-in-law may expect me to be a more perfect version of their own
mother. My head starts swirling when I think of mother-in-law-hood.
If being a mother is a difficult
task, how much more so being a mother-in-law?
My own mother-in-law has been a
real blessing to me. She has loved and welcomed me but has also respected my
own boundaries and decisions as a mother. I’m sure she was very worried in the
first decade or so. She didn’t always hide her concern if I was taking good
care of her precious son—which may well have boiled down to if I was feeding
him; but all in all, I think she’s pleased with the job I’ve done almost three
decades later.
Throughout the years, she has
often told me how fortunate I am to have married her son. I’m not sure I always agreed (hey, he was lucky, too!) but
now that my own sons are young men, I totally get that sentiment. I see my sons
growing into wonderful young men who take their work seriously, have goals and
ambition, are kind and respectful to everyone—and I know that their future
wives will be blessed, indeed.
I realize that I may even have to
voice that fact now and again. I’m entitled, right?
Regardless of what the future
holds in my life as a mother-in-law, I am grateful to Marie Barone. No excuses,
just commitment. Take it or leave it.
Whatever you do, though, please
make sure to eat.
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