Women's Book Clubs

Every year about this time I get a number of inquiries about women’s groups. Summer is winding down and the anticipation of autumn stirs a woman’s spirit towards a more contemplative time of year.

I love hearing that women want to start study groups or book clubs; and so I always try to post an article on how to get something like this started. (And I’m always available at Cheryl@BezalelBooks.comto answer questions!)

I’ve been invited on Brian Patrick’s EWTN Sonrise Morning Show next week to talk about the great value Catholic fiction in our faith walk so it made sense to also get this post going about starting a women’s book club—to sort of go hand-in-hand with that guest spot next week.

Starting a book club is so much easier than you may think and if you’ve been toying with the idea, I’m hoping this will give you the courage to go for it!

First: Pick your book.

Decide if you want to read fiction or non-fiction. Since I’ll be talking with Brian about fiction books, my passion is to invite Catholic women to see how fun it is to read Catholic fiction. At Bezalel Books we’ve put together packages specifically for women’s clubs and of course I think it is a great place to start your search. Our packages do include some non-fiction as well.

Find our packages here:

http://bezalelbooks.com/womenbookclub.html

Second: Getting the group together.

You really only need two or three women to have a great time (am I right?) and so you shouldn’t feel like this has to be a big production—although if you know you have the leadership and hostess gifts (charisms), by all means, gather as many women as your heart desires!

Consider extending an invitation or two to women with whom you don’t necessarily know very well. This is a nice time to establish new friendships and since it is confined to specific dates and times, it doesn’t require you become best friends nor does it make all kinds of demands on you.

Maybe someone in the carpool lane at the kid’s school that you’ve always smiled at and said hello but never struck up a conversation; or it might be a neighbor with whom you’ve chatted over the mailbox but it never became more. You get the idea.

On the other hand, feel free to use it as a reason for you and your closest friends to stay connected as well.

No matter what, ask the Holy Spirit to guide you in selecting the women.

Third: Meeting dates and times (and location).

When you know who you are inviting, your best bet is to look at your own schedule and offer a couple of options for getting together. I would suggest an hour and a half to two hours, once a week. So, for example if Tuesdays from 9:00 a.m. to 10:30 a.m. or Wednesdays from 6:30-8:00 p.m. work best for you, offer those dates and times to the women.

I do have a friend who finds that twice a month commitments work best. For her it is always the first and third Thursdays.

Ultimately go with the most popular choice for the group. Too many options will muddy the waters; just a couple to put out there is fine.

Chances are you will open your home to the group but you may decide that the parish center or some other location works better. Just make sure that you coordinate the days and times you offer with the location availability. All this, along with the book title, should be part of the invitation you extend.

Make sure to give a tentative start and end date as well. Decide if you are purchasing the books and the women will reimburse you or if you are asking that each purchase her own book.

Fourth: Have fun!

Determine if your first meeting is just a chance to set the stage or if you will dive right into the book which means that a chapter had to have been read before the gathering.

For your first meeting you might provide a light snack and beverages and have a signup sheet for the following three of four get-togethers. If you try to sign up too far into the future, women might not be able to commit because schedules change.

I have found that a reminder email is helpful as we all get caught up in our schedules and sometimes forget these things that nourish our souls! Something that goes out to everyone a day or two before the meeting and is a simple message; Blessings…I just wanted to remind everyone of Tuesday’s book club…we will be discussing chapter 3 and that we are looking forward to Sue’s snacks…

These wonderful get-togethers make for great times! They provide opportunities for personal relationships to take root and grow; they allow you to journey with others in anointed ways.

And remember I’m here to answer questions to help get you on your way!

The Things I Wonder About

I know my purpose here on earth is to love and serve God so that I can spend eternity with Him in Heaven…

But at my age, even having some of the answers to life’s bigger questions doesn’t mean there still aren’t a few things I wonder about…

For instance, I was recently watching a rerun of I Love Lucy and found myself saying out loud—to no one in particular: I don’t remember Ethel being so young and pretty! In fact, she’s beautiful! How did I ever miss that?

Or there was the time I was answering questions for a survey and wondered why my age group was the last choice. I thought everyone was living longer. Was I mistaken? Shouldn’t there be an age group after mine?

I felt it was important to bring that to the attention of the gal conducting the survey: Have you not updated your survey recently? You know people are living much longer now and there is no way I should be in the last age group!

And yet on that same survey, my income was in the first, lowest box of ranges. How did that happen? Weren’t they supposed to at least rise together—my age and my income? All I could think was, If I’m in the highest age group, shouldn’t I also be in the highest income bracket?

But I felt bad for the gal conducting the survey and kept my thoughts to myself…

Recently, I caved in and bought some face-firming cream.

The other day, after my shower, I decided to give it a try. Before I knew it, the jar is empty and still I’m not seeing any results. Although maybe if I put my glasses on I would have; but all I can think is, Does this stuff come in gallon tubs? And if so, where will I store it?

Speaking of glasses…when did the 10x magnification side of my little make-up mirror become my “normal” side?

Years ago, when we built our home, my mother would ask me annoying questions like, “How will you clean that?” when I would proudly show her the new, large shower stall or some such other wonderful thing.

My oldest son just bought a house and I actually heard myself say to him, “How will you keep them clean?” when looking at the expanse of wood floors and knowing his work schedule.

When did I become my mother? I really want to know.

Speaking of mom…she’s never been known to give a gift without also giving directions for it. For instance, a pretty vase comes with her telling you the ideal location for it in your home; or, a new sweater comes with her telling you the perfect blouse to wear underneath—or to what occasion it should be worn.

So when I gave my son two of our swivel chairs to use in his new home I could not believe I then said, “They will go perfect in front of your living room window with the table lamp between them.”

Seriously. At what point did my mother take over my body? I knew she was clever but this is ridiculous!

Cheryl Dickow

www.BezalelBooks.com

Whoopi Goldberg...Big Whoop

I don’t watch The View.

I tried a few times, many moons ago; but found that even with the presence of conservative Elisabeth Hasslebeck, I couldn’t stomach the show.

I’m also a huge fan of Ann Romney.

Huge.

But even her guest spot on The View couldn’t entice me to tune in. Appearing the same week as the presidential debates wherein Candy Crowley made it know, once and for all, that the media bias was real and palpable—as if anyone still needed that confirmation—by derailing Romney with an intentional, unacceptable interruption meant to save Obama with a preposterous spin on Benghazi, I just wasn’t up to one second of Whoopi Goldberg.

I’m no psychic but even I could have foretold what was going to happen.

And I believe Ann Romney knew as well; and that is why I continue to admire this woman of courage and conviction.

As I write this little opinion piece, I desperately want to avoid using the phrase “war on women.” However, having read about Goldberg’s incredibly biased questions thrown at Ann Romney (versus the laughable way the cast of The View treated the Obamas who appeared right after our embassy was attacked and 4 Americans were left dead), I’m not sure if it is possible to avoid identifying that the real war on women comes from the likes of women such as Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg.

Add to the list Sandra Fluke (identified as an “American woman’s rights activist”—really?) and Kathleen Seblious yet another wayward Catholic in an Obama administration.

Where is the outrage from these “activists” when the numbers of unemployment for women is made known and we hear that 800,000 more women are in poverty than when Obama took office?

Where is the outrage from these “activists” when we hear that poverty for Hispanic women is growing at a rate faster than any other group?

And the liberal Twitter universe goes ballistic when Romney—who has a proven record of hiring women—talks about the binder in which the resumes of countless women were made available to him so that he could fill his cabinet posts?

Honestly?

I’ve taken away two things from this week’s nauseating bias towards the Romneys:

1.   I will throw out my copy Call Me Claus—the Whoopi Goldberg Christmas movie I own.
2. I have updated my resume and want to know how to get it into the binders of anyone looking for a Catholic writer and speaker.

Cheryl Dickow

www.BezalelBooks.com

Where Do You Write Your Hurts?

Two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey, they had an argument and one friend slapped the other one in the face. The one who had been slapped was hurt but without saying anything, wrote in the sand: Today my best friend slapped me in the face.

They kept on walking until they found an oasis where they decided to take a bath. The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning. The friend saved her. After she recovered from the near drowning, she wrote on a stone: Today my best friend saved my life.

The friend who had slapped and saved her best friend asked: After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now you write on stone. Why?

The other friend replied: When someone hurts us we should write it down in sand where winds of forgiveness and waters of love can easily wash it away. When someone does something good for us we should engrave it in stone where it can remain for years to come.

From this wonderful tale of two friends we learn how important it is to write our hurts in sand and to carve our benefits in stone.

This is particularly important for women who, by their very nature, tend to be wounded more easily than men. This isn’t to say that men do not get hurt but that the inherent differences between men and women mean that each has a more specific response to experiences than does the other. It is the understanding that what makes women unique also makes women vulnerable. Women are made to be channels of love, selflessly given through acts of charity and as givers of life, which inevitably translates into a vulnerability of sorts.

It is never in a woman’s best interest to close herself up or “protect” herself with walls as this diminishes or even takes away her God-given “womanly” traits: her ability to “know” the things of God and man—what John Paul II called her “feminine genius.”

Rather, a woman serves God and herself best when she learns to experience the fullness of life as God intended and learns to write her sorrow in sand and her joy in stone.

Cheryl Dickow

www.BezalelBooks.com

The Five Friends A Woman Needs

Recently God brought into my life a woman who I now call “friend.” I spent some time with her recently where we enjoyed a cup of tea and chatting. As I left I was buoyed by our visit. It got me to thinking how perfectly she fit into my life and reflect on the question: What sort of friends does a woman “need” in her life?

I know lots of women: the mothers of all the friends of my sons; women with whom I’ve worked and those with whom I’ve worshipped. There are women neighbors and there are women relatives. I’ve been blessed by meeting women at speaking engagements who have touched my heart.

But friends?

I have but a few.

I remember once being told that at the end of your life, if you can count on one hand your true friends, you will have been very lucky.

I guess that was the secular way of saying you have been very blessed.

At 54 years old, I see that I have been very blessed.

If we’ve got one hand to work off of, I believe these are the five friends each woman needs:

1. A woman needs a friend with whom she can pray. Not just words over a meal but the sort of prayers that erupt from the depths of the heart and soul.

2. A woman needs a friend with whom she can laugh. Not just a chuckle but a belly laugh—or better yet, the giggle of a little girl released and loved.

3. A woman needs a friend with whom she can cry. Not just tears that rim the eyes but the painful cry that seems to have no end but is met with kindness and compassion.

4. A woman needs a friend to whom she can expose her weakest self and still be loved. Not just the superficial “I’m not perfect” stuff but the real, true self who has been to the edge and back.

5. A woman needs a friend for whom no judgment exists. Not just in offering non-judgmental words to a dilemma but someone who simply could not see her friend through any eyes other than the eyes of Christ.

The thing about these five friends is that God gives them to us when we need them, if only we ask. Like my new friend. We may not be on the phone everyday but somehow I know she is just a phone call away.

There are seasons in which friends come and go.

And that’s okay.

I had a friend from my teen years that I’ve tried to connect with here and there even though we have nothing in common—other than having gone to middle school together. I liked the idea of saying we had been friends for 40 some years; but I’ve since realized that friendships aren’t marked by the length of time but by time they are in our lives.

Starting a Woman’s Study is Easier Than You Think!

Wrapped Up Companion Journal

Wrapped Up

A woman asked me how to start a study for her friends in her parish. After that a young college girl inquired about starting a bible study in her sorority. That was followed by a mother wanting to begin one, in her home, with her friends. It got me thinking...How many women would like to start a study but feel it might be more than they could handle?

The good news is, starting a woman’s study is easier than you think!

 Here are a few guidelines; and, I would be more than willing to answer any questions as well. I can be contacted at Cheryl@BezalelBooks.com or by calling 248-917-3865.

Getting the group together:

If you already have a group of interested women, your best bet is to look at your own schedule and offer a couple of options for getting together. I would suggest an hour and a half to two hours, once a week. So, for example if Tuesdays from 9:00 a.m. to 10:30 a.m. or Wednesdays from 6:30-8:00 p.m. work best for you, send out emails, or make phone calls, to everyone sharing these options and ultimately go with the most popular choice. Too many options will muddy the waters; just a couple is fine.

If you do not have a group of interested women, ask your church paper to put in a small article stating that you are starting a study while also send out inquiry emails to your own friends and family. Ask them to send the email on, as well, to their friends and family. I’m not a math person but I know that there is some general idea that to get, say, 5 women, you may need to contact 50 (the 10% rule or some such thing). Anyhow, if you are advertising in your church paper or through email, give a “reply by” date and an idea of how many women will be your minimum and maximum.

Once you have your group, you will give a start date that gives you enough time to buy the supplies. This is whatever book will be your resource and, of course, you’ll make sure that everyone brings a bible. I wouldn’t discourage different Catholic bible versions because your group can have beneficial discussions on different words used in a variety of translations. It is usually best when the “leader” orders the resource books and I always suggest that the leader order an extra copy or two for people who are bound to join the group after they hear how wonderful the study is! My last parenting workshop started with eight people and ended with fourteen! Buying an extra book or two allows new people to start right away versus waiting another week or so to get a book, but it is certainly not necessary.

Your books and resources:

Once the group size is known, the leader orders books and resources and then typically collects the money on the first night of the study. All this is, of course, just a guideline. If you have four people signed up, you might feel comfortable buying the books and resource materials up front and then collecting the money. But if you have a fifteen people signed up, you’ll probably want to collect the money first.

Wrapped Up: God’s Ten Gifts for Women is structured so that it can facilitate the group in any number of ways. There is an audio version of the book with both myself and Teresa each reading her section of each chapter. That may be the perfect way for the leader to begin each section—with the participants listening to the chapter together. It is a perfect supplement to the book which can be read through the week at each person’s leisure. The companion journal is where the ten gifts identified in the book are explored in depth. Scripture verses and Catechism excerpts are used in both the book and the companion journal—which has room for personal reflections.

For your first meeting you might provide a light snack and beverages and have a sign up sheet for the following three of four get-togethers. If you try to sign up too far into the future, people tend to forget. And it is always good to recognize that a reminder email is helpful as we all get caught up in our schedules and sometimes forget these things that nourish our souls! Something that goes out to everyone a day or two before the meeting and is a simple message like; Blessings…I just wanted to remind everyone of Tuesday’s bible study and that we are looking forward to Sue’s snacks…

For the Wrapped Up: God’s Ten Gifts for Women study, the companion journal has instructions for conducting the study as well as prayers for each of the ten gatherings. There are reflections and questions that are meant to engage the heart and mind of each participant. All in all, studies make for great times! They immerse you in the Word of God and allow you to help others on their journeys with Christ.

A Level Playing Field, A Woman I Admire

Besides the money thing, Ann Romney and I have a lot in common.

Well, maybe not a lot, but we have enough in common that I consider her a woman who I admire.

And I don’t admire a lot of women—at least not a lot of ones currently living. Is that bad? I’m not sure. I have my reasons for loving women from Scripture: we see how things “turned out.” We know they finished the race set before them. In some cases we know their struggles and the way they faced those struggles. We learn so much from them. That’s why I stand at attention when a woman of my own generation makes me notice qualities that resonate with me, qualities that I admire.

Now does this mean that Ann Romney is perfect? I’m guessing not.

But since no one is, I’m confident proclaiming that perfection doesn’t have to be a gold standard.

The gold standard, for me, is how a woman engages in her life’s circumstances in a way that reflects commitment and acceptance. The gold standard, for me, is to see a woman make a choice to, let’s say, be a lawyer or a full-time mother or a school bus driver, and then does it with gusto and even a bit of joy now and again. The gold standard, for me, is a woman who finds herself in sink-or-swim circumstances and swims.

Ann Romney passes my gold standard test.

Ann Romney’s life circumstances include the chronic illness Multiple Sclerosis. I don’t know much about MS, but I do know about a couple of other autoimmune diseases. I don’t know the everyday experience of living with MS, but I do know the everyday experience of living with a chronic condition. I have come to learn through my own experiences how stress affects your condition, how important it is to know how to balance your life with your life’s circumstances.

So I stand up and cheer for Ann Romney for allowing us a glimpse of what it is like to live with an often-debilitating condition and still smile. When I watch her on television, my own experiences with chronic illness makes me quietly wonder “How is she doing today?” I know she may be having a difficult day—or week or month—but that she continues to persevere. I don’t see her as a woman who has a lot more “things” than I do, I see her as a woman with whom I have a common bond. Not until you experience living with a chronic condition can you say the following: it doesn’t matter how much money you have in the bank, a chronic illness levels the playing field.

Yep, me and Ann, we’re on the same field. I’m guessing neither of us would have chosen this particular field, but here we are. I’m grateful to her for her candor in talking about MS and for the way she gives others hope who may not have had hope before—or who are at the beginning of their journey with a diagnosis that has them spinning. Discovering this woman who is willing to share her life and her illness has been a blessing to me. Each time I read something about Ann Romney I am taken by her poise and her sincerity. I come away with the realization that this is a woman who has lived her life in a magnanimous way: she’s raised five boys (I’ve raised three so we’re sort of alike in that regard, too!) and has not let her circumstances be her undoing.

There aren’t a lot of women I would cherish meeting; but Ann Romney is definitely one of them.

Bravo, Ann! Bravo!

The Dignity of Work

“From the beginning therefore he [man] is called to work. Work is one of the characteristics that distinguish man from the rest of creatures, whose activity for sustaining their lives cannot be called work. Only man is capable of work, and only man works, at the same time by work occupying his existence on earth. Thus work bears a particular mark of man and of humanity, the mark of a person operating within a community of persons. And this mark decides its interior characteristics; in a sense it constitutes its very nature.”

Blessed John Paul wrote these words in his encyclical Laborem Exercens in 1981.

I’ve referred to this encyclical many times in my own writings and in attempting to get at the very nature of who I am as a Catholic woman, wife, mother, author, and teacher. I have found in his words a timeless truth—no surprise there!—and a certain sense of peace as well. Whether I have worked outside of the home out of necessity or out of a desire, balancing work with family always holds it challenges; but also holds its rewards.

Nothing offers a fuller sense of satisfaction than a task well-performed. It doesn’t matter if that task is washing the kitchen floor, finding the best bargains at the grocery store, or guiding a classroom of middle school students towards a lesson’s objective. Inherent in who we are as humans, as Blessed John Paul points out, is the need for a person to contribute to his or her family or neighborhood or culture in a discernable way. This is what separates us from the animals but also is what gives us dignity.

This is a different dignity—or maybe it is best to say it is another level of dignity—than we all have as created beings; that inherent dignity exists whether we “work” a day in our life or not. The presupposition here is our understanding of the dignity of the human being from conception to natural death.

In Laborem Exercens, Blessed John Paul moves past that assumption and explores the value and need for every man to “work” as a way to participate in God’s plan for man on earth and to elevate each day’s work in such a way that it actually becomes divine.

That is an incredible understanding of work—and quite a goal we ought to have as a society.

When we create a culture wherein safety nets become traps, we are denying dignity to each and every person caught in the trap. We are withholding an opportunity for each and every person to participate in God’s plan.

Think about how you felt the last time you finished a project or completed an assignment. I know that when I write a column I may read and re-read it half a dozen times. It feels good. I’ve accomplished something.

When I stand next to my three grown sons and listen to them converse with each other there is a sense of accomplishment that I have as their mother. God gave me a job and I performed it to the best of my abilities.

When my husband finishes a project at work he has a bit of a spring in his step. Dignity exists within that accomplishment. When my college-aged son passes a particularly difficult test he is more animated and more talkative. It has affected him in a good way.

Blessed John Paul goes on to write:

“Even by their secular activity they must assist one another to live holier lives. In this way the world will be permeated by the spirit of Christ and more effectively achieve its purpose in justice, charity and peace... Therefore, by their competence in secular fields and by their personal activity, elevated from within by the grace of Christ, let them work vigorously so that by human labour, technical skill, and civil culture created goods may be perfected according to the design of the Creator and the light of his Word.”

Notice that through work the world will more readily be filled with justice, charity and peace! That makes sense, doesn’t it? If we really step back and think about it, there is an interior sense of dignity that rises up within us when we are productive. Why would we deny that from others? When we all share that vision of work and look for ways to bring that to all, we are creating heaven on earth: we are providing an opportunity for each and every person to feel alive in a way that only work can produce.

When Blessed John Paul includes a long list of work that is established in Scripture you can’t deny God’s call upon each of us regardless of what we do:

“The books of the Old Testament contain many references to human work and to the individual professions exercised by man: for example, the doctor, the pharmacist, the craftsman or artist, the blacksmith—we could apply these words to today's foundry-workers-the potter, the farmer, the scholar, the sailor, the builder, the musician, the shepherd, and the fisherman. The words of praise for the work of women are well known. In his parables on the Kingdom of God Jesus Christ constantly refers to human work: that of the shepherd, the farmer, the doctor, the sower, the householder, the servant, the steward, the fisherman, the merchant, the labourer. He also speaks of the various form of women's work. He compares the apostolate to the manual work of harvesters or fishermen. He refers to the work of scholars too.”

Does this mean that work is all fun and games? No, as further we find in Laborem Exercens, work is always associated with toil. That is part and parcel of the journey we are on. So on the one hand there is a sense of dignity inherent in each of our accomplished tasks, while on the other hand those tasks aren’t accomplished without toil on our part.

I agree.

During the long days of raising three boys who are four years apart in age I wasn’t always sure I was going to make; and for darn sure I wasn’t convinced that I wasn’t failing at it, either.

Studying for his test, my son doesn’t smile and proclaim the joy he is experiencing. No, he perseveres in spite of the obstacles and frustrations.

When my husband is in the midst of a project his hours are long, his nights are sleepless, and his mind is elsewhere.

This isn’t to say we are entitled to a job filled with joy and reward wherein everyday is an excursion to Happyland. Rather, it is to recognize that we are designed by our Creator for work that may be demanding and difficult, it may be boring or strenuous; but whatever it is, it is also an opportunity to unite with God and give glory and honor to His kingdom.